The Last Live Gig - In That Year, 2020

​Just a day before Valentine’s Day 2020, I didn’t perform the gig with any knowledge that this would be my last live performance in Iowa. You don’t know it is going to be the last time you experience something, but have you ever been in that moment and know you need to pay attention, to savor this moment? I had this pull to enjoy and be present. It felt like a treat I was consuming that I might never have again.

My husband and I pulled into Perry, IA this day a year ago. We turned onto the main street and passed the beautiful Hotel Pattee stretching a block long and holding authority like a court house in a small town. We have played many times at the hotel and memories came flooding back.

We weave through the downtown and see many old buildings that have been brought back to life and others that have not. Just around the corner is the magnificently restored, La Poste, where we were scheduled to play. This place was refurbished by a team of wildly dedicated individuals who have teamed together to breath creativity into the Perry community.

The Cellar’s Handle Bar Happy Hour was in the basement bar of this building. More than a bar, this space is a community gathering place. Glowing from the inside, it looked inviting and warm. We park the van at the back of the building and I do a quick stroll of the block in the nipping February air snapping a few pictures as I went including a few selfies to promote the show.

We start to unload our gear and get ready for the perilous load in down the back steps. A fun entrance for the simple couple to pop in, but we are not so simple. We start carrying, one load after another carefully navigating the long row of small cement steps with guitars and gear in hand. This is what keeps us strong, we say. Of course, always greeted with the kindest and warmest of welcomes, we greet our Perry friends and start to set up.

After, I found myself in a moment alone spending company with the art work that was being featured that month. With no one in the whole place, I had a private moment just for me and I pulled out the new song I had been working on, just wrote it the night before. I opened up and began to sing to just the paintings, the mismatched chairs, the brick walls and my voice rang, the acoustics of the place enriching the sound. I sang alone.

When you don’t know something is going to end, is it really less sweet? I have been struggling with the live gig life for some time, a divide of who I was and who I had become. Still madly in love with music, my creative creature needed nourishment in different ways and this gig was nourishment.

We do our thing. We sing our songs. We fill requests. The night is full.

Laughter, food, music, comfort, friends…all were present this night. My soul was full.

It was the last live “in person” gig that I performed.

It feels weird to say but also fitting. This was the end and and soon, there would be a new beginning.

The year in front of me was going to bring more challenges, and more enlightenment, and I have never needed it more. But this night, I was not encumbered by what the future would bring.

After the gig we pack up and teeter our gear back up the stone steps. One step at a time was how to get this job done.

After our last load we went back downstairs to do the once over look to make sure we had everything.
“You two make a really good team. You are really lucky.” the gal cleaning up told us.

“Yeah, we do. I think we make a pretty good team too.” I said.

We have been doing this long enough. We better be! I never forget how lucky I am to get to do this job with my husband. This exchange lifts me up and I felt proud.

I didn’t know what gig or lack of gigs was coming around the corner but I did know that the only way to go, at least this night, was home.
 
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The song I sang to the paintings…
When I’m Alone
When I’m alone, I think of you
When I’m alone, I miss you
When I’m alone, I feel you
I feel the tears falling down my face
Too long, I’ve been in this place.
 
Never again will I be here to say
what it is the moment means
All these questions leading me
To a place I’m supposed to be
A place, I can’t even see
 
When I’m alone, I think of you.
When I’m alone, I miss you
When I’m alone, I feel you
I feel the tears falling down my face
Too long, I’ve been in this place
 
I am bending in the wind
I am blown all the way down
I am waiting for the break
I know it is coming around
To that pain, I am bound
 
When I’m alone, I think of you
When I’m alone, I miss you
When I’m alone, I feel you
I feel the tears falling down my face
Too long, I’ve been in this place.
​
By Kat Darling